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Kevin
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PostSubject: Disaster movie   Sat Jun 19, 2010 11:07 am


Story
In the year 10,001 B.C., a caveman (Will) runs away from a mammoth before getting in a fight with Wolf (Ike Barinholtz), the main antagonist. He then encounters a saber-toothed, gasoline-drinking Amy Winehouse (Nicole Parker), who informs him that the world will end on August 29, 2008 (the release date of the movie), revealing their fate laying in a crystal skull. The film flash-forwards to the present, where Will (Matt Lanter), the main protagonist, apparently dreamed the past sequence. He then finds out that his girlfriend, Amy (Vanessa Minnillo), is having an affair with Flavor Flav (Abe Spigner) and the two break up with Will not admitting his true feelings for her.

Later that day, Will has a "Sweet Sixteen" party at his house, despite the fact that he's 25. Among the guests are Juney (Crista Flanagan) and Will's best friend Calvin (Gary "G-Thang" Johnson), who attempts to curve a bullet around the room to stop Seth and McLover (Noah Harpster and Austin Scott) from stealing the alcohol, accidentally killing Dr. Phil (John Di Domenico), Anton Chigurh (Barinholtz), and the Beautiful Assassin (Carmen Electra) in the process. By then, Amy arrives with her new boyfriend, an underwear model (Nick Steele), before the musical number "Friends Forever" is performed with cameos by an off-key Jessica Simpson (Parker) and Justin Timberlake (Jonas Neal).

However, the party comes to a halt when the lights go out as the room shakes and a bulletin on the radio claims that it is the end of the world. Will, Juney, Calvin and his girlfriend Lisa (Kim Kardashian) go outside during a meteor shower and find that Hannah Montana (Flanagan) has been crushed by a meteor and, even when caught between life and death, is still promoting her merchandise until her wig falls off, revealing her as Miley Cyrus before she finally dies. While this occurred, a kid (Ty Wesley) wakes up Hancock (Walter Harris) and mouths at him to go save the world, only to be knocked away as Hancock tries to flee the city but hits his head on a streetlight and knocks himself out. Soon after, the city starts to freeze over, and the group retreats to a garage for shelter. They meet the Sex and the City girls, who claim to have first grabs and Juney beats a drag queen version of Carrie Bradshaw (Jason Boegh) for the garage. After discussing global warming, Calvin says that he is cold and suggests they take their clothes off. Only the girls take their clothes off, and the guys stare in awe until Juney's water broke.

Later, Will has a dream where he is a Jumper and accidentally impales himself on Prince Caspian's (Barinholtz) sword (Caspian identifies him as "the guy who ruined Star Wars". After Will's dream ended and he was chided for not even trying to commit to his relationship, the gang leaves the garage and Will gets a call from Amy, admitting his feelings for her before he decides to get to her as Lisa gets killed by a meteor. While the others comfort a distraught Calvin, the Enchanted Princess (Parker) climbs out of a manhole and gets hit by a taxi, with Calvin catching her as they immediately fall in love with each other. Juney guesses that she is a princess thrown out of her kingdom by an evil witch, the Princess explains that she's a "demented homeless chick who lives in the sewers" due to consuming "lots and lots and lots of mind-altering, enchanting drugs!" After getting into a dance off with the Princess's Princely pimp, the heroes flee when a tornado appears with Iron Man (Gerrard Fachinni), Hellboy (Barinholtz), and the Hulk (Roland Kickinger) attempting to fight the natural disaster and being knocked down by its projectile cows. When they find shelter, Calvin gets a call on his shoe phone from Lisa's mother, who is informed about Lisa's death and how Calvin has found someone hotter than Lisa. Afterward, they encounter knockoffs of Alvin and the Chipmunks, who suddenly contract rabies and start attacking the gang and eat Juney's flesh until she presumably dies. The Chipmunks then go after Will and Calvin until they trap them in a trash can, fatally suffocating them as they attempt to escape.

On their way to the museum to save Amy, who called to tell Will she's trapped under a statue, they run into Batman (Ike Barinholtz), who informs them that they must get to the evacuation buses by 9 pm, it is now 5:30pm, and also mentions that there will be no chance of survival if they go to save Amy. Learning that it's closer to nine than he thought, Batman throws a rope, which accidentally lands on a car that drags him away. With time against them, the Princess kills Speed Racer (Jared Eddo) so they can hijack his Mach 5 and drive to the museum. Before departing, they hear someone giggling in the trunk and when they look inside, they find Michael Jackson (Christopher Johnson) cuddled up with Spritle and Chim-Chim. After Jackson closes the trunk, they get to the museum and they save Amy who reveals the Crystal Skull from Will's dream to be the only thing that can stop the end of the world. As Will and Amy make their way to the altar, Calvin and the Princess find that the museum doors are closed and all the artifacts have come alive, including Kung Fu Panda (Yoshio Iizuka), who fights Calvin. When Calvin makes out with the Princess after beating Kung Fu Panda, he sees that she is actually a transvestite by removing "his" wig while Kung Fu Panda takes out a katana and kills Calvin and the Enchanted Princess.

Meanwhile, Will and Amy run into Beowulf (Barinholtz), who fights Will in the nude. After Beowulf is defeated, Will and Amy meet Will's father (Tony Cox) and Will returns the Crystal Skull to its altar, averting further destruction. The film ends with a wedding ceremony for Will and Amy being performed by The Guru Shitka (Di Domenico). Then all the characters come sing a song about dating each other, which sets off a chain ("Disaster Movie Date Song"), ending with Alvin and the Chipmunks being crushed by another cow.

Trailer





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